Revelation....

As most know, I have a hard time with my food intake. I love food! I eat when I'm bored, frustrated, lonely, happy, sad...ALL THE TIME! I enjoy the crunch of food. I love the taste of a lot of foods. I prefer to eat rather than do anything else (except hang out with friends!) My thoughts on food have been "I have to eat it all now!!!" Never can I stop at just one of anything. Even when completely stuffed I still want more.

Can I control it? Sure, to a point. I am smart enough and have enough self control to stop when necessary.

Do I always make the right choice among all the foods I choose? No!

Am I capable of it? Sure.

When I don't want to stop, I get mad at myself because I have to work so hard to not go back in the kitchen and eat the crap I don't need. Often I will get defensive and say to myself (sometimes I self-talk...don't you?!?), "everyone else can eat like this, why not me?" I KNOW EVERYONE DOESN'T, yet I seem to have talked myself into thinking that. I also go through a feeling of "nobody else around me has this problem!" I KNOW THAT TO BE FALSE AS WELL...as least I hope it is.

As I watched Giada de Laurentiis cook some really small tarts (that weren't that appealing to me), I came to a realization....rather....revelation! I don't need to eat everything I have in my kitchen all at one time! I will get another chance tomorrow to eat it as well :) By this I mean, I can make my dessert and have a small piece today. I am lucky enough to get another small piece tomorrow! How great!! It isn't just going to be snatched up and removed from my apartment without my knowledge. There is not a food monster that is going to eat it during the night. I can have some more tomorrow...as long as I can wait that long.

Can I wait until tomorrow?!? I sure hope so. If I can't then I need some serious brain retraining! I can wait two days if needed! It isn't like I will never, ever, ever get that food again. This to me seems like a no-brainer! Food just makes me feel so good...in the moment! I never feel good later! I either get a stomachache or I am bummed because I didn't say no!

My best friend always says how she loves certain days of the week. Friday is her "coffee" (caramel macchiato from QuikTrip) day. Sunday is her "I don't give a crap day." I can do this. I have already started with donut Friday. I only get a donut on Friday's (rather than everyday!) I mess up every now and again and get one on a Wednesday (early out days for my job, you know!). I have even started to change that and make it donut, payday Friday! I can choose to eat out only certain days of the week...like Friday or Saturday (or both ;)).

Stuff like this may seem like, duh...that won't be hard to do, but for me it feels like an uphill battle.

My issue with working out has never been an issue. I can exercise. I can move and do things. I am motivated by calories burned using my bodybugg device. Food is my struggle. I was not blessed with the "high metabolism" gene (thanks mom and dad). I am sure I will always have to work a little harder to lose and keep weight off. I will probably always have to work a little harder to say no to foods I don't need. It will be a battle, all out war, sometimes, but I will also have times where it won't be hard! I try to internalize that feeling so I can remember it when I am having a bad moment with food.

I am going to try and just say no! They need to teach "just say no" to food in elementary school! It worked with drugs...I've just said no to those!

Thanks for listening (rather reading) my mumbles. This is more for my ability to process through my food "stuff" then anything.

Here is to an evening of dinner and the ability to "just say no" to excessive amounts of food that I just don't need!